Wasting Away

How many have kids in general who are very picky eaters? I do. But when your child is on the Spectrum, it goes to a whole new level. 

 

People tell you all your lives to NOT make a special meal for one child. They tell you that you need to cook, and your kids eat what you cook or they go hungry. If they get hungry enough, they'll eventually eat. That's not the case with most Spectrum Kids. They... would rather starve themselves than to eat something that is displeasing to any of their sensory issues.

 My SK is tall. And he is underweight. If he doesn't want to eat what I cook, I allow him to make a sandwich so I know he is at least eating.

BUT.....And that's a big butt. Pun intended. Add in an insane Ex Husband who's mission in life is to create as much conflict as possible, and we find ourselves in the DR's office. My ex has accused me openly and on record of "Malnutritioning" my son. (Yes I realize its malnourished, but my Podunk ex does not). He states that he is emaciated. (Big word for him. Hmmmm. He couldn't have thought of that all by his little lonesome.)

So, we are running blood panels and what-not to see if there is a medical issue we are not aware of, because the fact is that my SK HAS lost 4 lbs in the past 3 months. But my ex did not believe me when I told him that my SK EATS at my house. Not a whole lot at each sitting, but he eats 4-5 times a day.

I've started a food diary for him so I can show what he eats in any given day.   I'm waiting for the lab results, but this could possibly be transferred to a nutritionist and I'm sure he/she would ask for a food diary.  I also started taking pics of him eating so I can prove that he IS eating. (Last night he went back for seconds actually.)

 Now, if he is eating, AND STILL losing weight...... Well I don't know why that is, but its not because Im starving him.  I'm glad we are addressing this, because I don't want something to be wrong and us not catch it.  I just don't like being accused of harming my son intentionally by some big jerk who doesn't even acknowledge the FACT that our son has PDD NOS. 

 

So, my goal?  He has to get weighed again in a month.  So, I will be supplementing his diet with the good fats/carbs, and making him drink a shake for a snack to help as well. 

 

(Oh and he also informed the Dr that they were not to make ANY Medication changes without his consent first or they would be in contempt of the divorce decree.  Wrong again buddy.  I supplied the Dr with a copy of the divorce decree and said that my ex could have as many opinions and inputs as he wanted, but that as Custodial Parent, I have the final say even if he doesn't "consent". 

Isn't he a piece of work?)

Venting - High Functioning Autism "isn't real".

Ok, I'm a little perturbed and I need to vent, which is what a blog is for, so here goes.

My Spectrum Kiddo went to his dad's this weekend.  Now, my ex has NEVER supported any of the diagnoses or anything I've ever said was going on with our son.  NEVER.  He's never given any constructive advice, a helping hand, a co-parenting shoulder to lean on, nothing, nada.  I've been on my own raising our son to the best of my ability from the moment we divorced.

He's always there to point fingers and blame me for everything our son does that is considered "bad behavior" and everything that he does RIGHT, is totally because of HIS influence and not mine.  From the very first day of Kindergarten until now (5th grade), everything that our son has done at school to get an office referral for, is and has always been because of a lack of discipline from me.  I have countless nasty emails from my ex stating just that.  I also have emails from me to him asking him to please give me suggestions on what he thinks is going on with our son, what he thinks can be done, asking him "why does our son have to live with YOU before you help and pay for counseling or tutoring?  Why can't we do this together and see what happens?  Why does it have to be you against me?"  To no avail. 

Yet at the same time, he is spreading vicious lies to his family and friends (some that we still share, but that have chosen to keep their distance for one reason or another even though that is a terribly painful loss for me).  He paints a picture of a terrible mother and a monster to these people.  He even says these things TO our children. 

But its been getting worse over the past year.  I used to respond to the emails and texts and I would have lengthy phone calls with him.  I would get out at the drop off time and chat.  I was trying to keep the peace.  Ok, wait, don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I know I've said things and done things to make him mad.  But I've never done it just for the sake of creating drama.  Because no matter what he likes to say or think, I actually HATE drama.  I HATE fighting and I try to avoid avoid avoid until I am pushed into a corner.  Then I act like any human does.  I fight back.

Now, I have not had any real contact with him and his "wife" for quite some time now.  I try desperately NOT to respond anymore and I do not get out at the drop off. 

So, the my son came home from his Dad's house this weekend and told me that his dad had pulled him into the computer room and told him the following:
"High Functioning Autism is not real.  Your mom made it up.
She is lying to you.
Your mom is brainwashing you.
THIS is what real Autism looks like (he showed him videos of classic autism children who were very low functioning)
You do not have this.  You DO NOT HAVE AUTISM.
THe Dr's do not know what they are talking about."

(ANd on a side note, he also told him that I had tons of money.  That he was paying child support to me and that I should have more to spend on them.  He told my son to ask me where HIS money was.  Now, without being specific, my ex pays less than minimum wage child support.  LESS than $10 a DAY.  Total.  For 2 kids no less.  And just to be clear, I never asked him for money.  It happens to be mandated by the state.  But I would never tell the kids how much he pays me because frankly its none of their business.  And no I will not hand over the money to the boys to do with as they please.  It just angers me that my ex feels like its necessary information.)

He is deliberately trying to alienate me from my children.  He hates me and he wants my children to hate me.  I do not want the boys around that man any longer, but that would devastate my children.

I have to pray.  I have to pray that God teaches me to forgive him.  I have to pray that God would take my ex husband and change his heart and erase all of the hatred from him.

The bible tells us to pray for those who despitefully use us.  It tells us to bless those who curse us.  This is a very hard lesson.  And I will pray through gritted teach and ask God to help me.