At the end of my Spectrum Kiddo's 3rd grade year, my husband and I were able to purchase our first home. This involved a move to a better school district. The new school immediately was more helpful and understanding than the previous district, but they still wouldn't run any diagnostic tested on my SK because his grades were mostly A's. They said there was no "Academic Necessity" even though he was being sent to In School Suspension, and Out of School Suspension often, and was kicked off the school bus for behavioral disruptions.
So, I decided to find the $1500.00 necessary to get the ADOS testing done at Depelchin and just deal with my Ex AFTER the diagnostic testing was finished. I was tired of fighting, and the school needed answers. The truth is, I needed to know if this was all in my head or if my child really was on the spectrum like I thought he was.
Before I was able to do this though, I sent my son to his summer visitation with his dad, and days later I was served with papers. I had to be in court in 3 days. There were several different sets of papers. They stated 3 things. 1. I had been served with a Restraining Order stating I could not come within 500 feet of my children or my Ex and his residence. I could not even talk to them on the phone. 2. A Protective Order had been filed as well stating physical abuse had occurred. A statement from my son's pediatrician was included. (The same pediatrician that my Ex husband's new girlfriend worked for.) This statement said that my Son had a small ulcer that was healing on the inside of his bottom lip. No treatment was needed for it, but my son had stated that "mommy hit me in the mouth with her ring." So Child Protective Services had been called and my Ex had run to his lawyer the same day to draw these papers up. Aaaannnd 3. A petition for Change of Custody had been included as well. My Ex wanted Full Custody and Child Support.
I was a sobbing mess. This was not remotely true and I didn't understand why my son would say something like this. I was hysterical. That's a silly statement because it doesn't even begin to describe the pain I felt from seeing those words in black and white; "you cannot come within 500 feet of [insert name here]. I couldn't even talk to the boys. I was desperate to make sure they knew that no matter what, I loved them and that we would get through this.
I had just started a new job a few months earlier. I called my boss to let her know I would not be in on Monday because I had to be in court. She called the owner of the company and they offered to loan me the money I needed to pay for a lawyer because I had 3 days to find one.
So, my children came back into my custody a month and a half later. CPS dropped the case as "unable to determine." The Sheriff's Dept dropped the Protective Order and the Restraining Order. My Ex and I had to go to counseling. It was a waste of time. We did not settle the matter in court for another year, but finally things were settled and I still am the Custodial Parent. My Ex wanted the decree modified to state that I could not take my children to any Dr or Mental Health professional without his written permission. The Judge denied him that modification. There is so much more to this story, but it would take up too much time to write out.
I'm still not sure why my son said what he said. He honestly believes I hit him. At times. At times he says he doesn't remember if I did or not. It is frustrating and confusing and I feel like he is being coached and fed lines by my Ex. There is so much more on THAT too. But it can wait for a future posting.
So, after that nightmare I no longer cared about whether my Ex was "on board" with getting our son seen and diagnosed. We would never see eye to eye. Texas Children's Psychiatric in Downtown Houston saw us and referred us to their Autism Clinic. They diagnosed my son as having ADHD and PDD NOS in October of 2012. My Ex and his now wife claim that this is a false diagnosis since children do not "become autistic" as such a late age. I'm not even going to try and make them understand that he didn't "become autistic" at the date of his diagnosis, but has been that way for a very long time and that I had been fighting with my Ex about this for 6 years whether he wants to acknowledge that or not.
Now, since PDD NOS and Aspergers no longer exist in the DSM V (that is the Diagnostic Manual that all mental health professionals have to adhere by in order to make a diagnosis), the Dr said his PDD NOS diagnosis would translate into High Functioning Autism or Mild Autism. Aspergers and PDD NOS are now being diagnosed under the umbrella of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
The school was able to set up a 504 for my son, which soon turned into an IEP after they finished their own 6 month testing with their Autism Team. They determined that he is a child identified with Autism and have set up modifications and accommodations for him.
Its an uphill battle and we will still have to meet several times a year. (Especially with Middle School and Puberty looming ever closer.) Eeeek.
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