I think that's the main reason I'm writing this blog and why I have a FB page now for our journey. I want everyone to know who we are and what's going on with us. Why? Because if you have even an inkling that your child may have the GIFT of Autism, you need to know there are those of us out here that can help point you to the right resources. You. Are. Not. Alone.
Second grade was by far the worst and the most eye opening year to date. My little man finally got a teacher with her eyes open and willing to help. I began to receive emails, texts, phone calls on an almost daily basis. At first, his teacher thought he may have Tourette's because of all his little outbursts he seemed unable to control. This sent her on a mission to figure out what was going on and to get me the resources I needed to find out myself. And it also set a fire under me! I wasn't crazy! Someone else saw it too!
She said he would go into rages. I never saw this happen until I took him to a friend's house one day for her son's birthday party. There must have been 30+ people there. A couple things happened that I had never seen. First, my son was in a bedroom with her son playing video games. Her son was sitting in one of those crescent shaped gaming chairs and my son was crouched in front of him like a frog just looking at him with this goofy look on his face. Then, out of the blue, my son launched himself onto the other boy and wrapped his arms and legs around him. This knocked them both back onto the floor. Luckily the other boy was a very calm and kind child, because he just lay there looking at me like...WTH... I promptly removed my son and we went outside. Second, there was a big bouncy house thing outside. It was one of those with the big slide on it, so it was pretty tall. I left my son out there with his brother and a few other boys. (First mistake.) While I was inside I heard this god-awful noise and ran outside to see my son in a full-on rage. Three boys were at the top of the slide taunting my son, and would not let him get up there to slide. So my son was running full steam, trying to get up the slide, with his arms doing this weird windmill thing and screaming at the top of his lungs. I yelled his name and he immediately stopped. It was like a switch had been thrown. Full RAGE to complete introversion. Strangest thing I had ever seen.
He got thrown off the bus several times this year because of fights. So he was showing very poor impulse control. He had no problem touching or hitting others, but if you touched him lightly on the shoulder he would say "ouch". He has a very low tolerance for pain.
He was also putting his shirts in his mouth and sucking on them this year. The whole front side of his shirt would be soaked. It was quite disgusting.
The teacher said he would make really loud noises while she was teaching and would not stop when redirected. She was concerned because he started talking like a baby and kept putting his fingers and shirt in his mouth. She was begging me for insight and answers on how to help him and I had none because he didn't behave this way at home and I didn't know what to do. So, we would bat ideas back and forth and try thing after thing to no avail.
He would play in the bathroom and climb the stalls. He would hide behind the doors in the bathroom and talk to the other kids from behind the door. He would play in the sink. He would take the water from the water fountain and spit it on the floor. And when he got in trouble he would inappropriately giggle and laugh. So we made it where he could not go to the bathroom without an adult.
One day he crawled under his desk and yelled "help me...help me....Im stuck", over and over.
He had several outbursts that included dropping the "F Bomb", kicking walls, laying on the floor and crying, throwing things at other students, flicking students with a pencil.....etc etc etc.
It was so very hard to stay serious because some of this is very comical behavior, but he was disrupting the classes. STILL, the school administration refused to say anything was out of the ordinary since his academic grades were all A's.
At work, my phone would ring and everyone would groan...."What has your son done now?" Thankfully, my boss was understanding and I only worked 5 min from the school. So it was easy for me to run over there and help out.
So, I finally sent a letter to the Principal requesting that the ISD test my son to see if a need for Special Ed is needed due to his consistent behavioral obstacles. They responded by holding an ARD meeting. They stated that they could not recommend or even test my son for Special Ed because of his academics being so good. My Ex and his live-in attended the meeting as well. My Ex stated that nothing but a discipline problem at home was wrong with our son. He also stated that our son needed to be taken out of GT (Gifted and Talented Advanced classes) because he was too arrogant about them. He stated that our son went around bragging too much about how smart he was and needed to be "taken down a peg". Grrrr.
The school opened an RTI for my son. They stated that the GT teachers in 3rd grade were not equipped to handle the behavior problems from my son so they suggested we furlough the GT for a year in order to concentrate on the behavior. They suggested that we put him in a group called Rainbow Group next year, use social stories, give him a personal schedule he could carry with him every day, and assign an adult to him in the bus line. No evaluations were suggested. And I didn't have an advocate there, so I had no idea what to ask for. This was my very first ARD meeting and I was totally unprepared. I kept telling them, "Whatever the Special Ed teachers are doing for him, however they handle Autistic kids, seems to work when his teacher needs help", but nobody listened.
This year was also the year I got remarried and pregnant with my third son. The drama started this year with my Ex and it has not let up since. My son was in an after school daycare because I worked full time outside of the home. My ex picked our children up on the designated Fridays that were his FROM daycare instead of waiting till 6pm for me to bring them to him. This worked for us and I had my ex on the emergency contact list as well. I did not have his live in girlfriend on the pickup list or the emergency contact list though and he went up to the daycare several times yelling and causing a huge scene about this. I got several nasty emails about it too. My children said Daddy was embarrassing them when he would be mean to the daycare people, and the daycare said they would call the cops and have him thrown off the property if he did it one more time.
That year was the beginning of my nightmare with my ex and the boys. I wanted to get my son diagnosed and figure out if it was all in my head, or if something really was going on other than "bad behavior". But my Ex was not on board and fought me the whole way. He was certain it was all my fault and he could "fix" him if he were living with him. I was trying so hard to keep the peace that I did not fight him and I did not get him diagnosed. There were other reasons why I waited too. Insurance would not pay for the diagnostic tests and they cost about $1500.00 out of pocket. I did not have this money. So, I waited and fought with the school to help us.
The fighting hurts the children. No matter how careful you are about it, they know. They can feel the tension. I was always taught never to speak badly about the other parent to your children. So, its hard to be in the place where you are trying to figure out what's going on with your child, help him, guide him, help the schools, while the whole time you have your Ex fighting you. They stick ideas into your kids heads and tell them hateful things about you. Every stride forward that you make is dismantled by someone who hates you MORE than they love their son.
So, I have no excuses for not getting my son the help he needed and ignoring my ex. I was in uncharted territory and had no idea what I was doing. I did not know where to turn, who to talk to, where to even start because I did not know what was going on. There were several things I thought it COULD be. My cousin has an autistic son, but my son (in my mind) was not anything like their son. I hadn't spoken to them about any of my son's behaviors because we weren't close anymore. It never dawned on me to call them. I knew it COULD be Asperger's, but what resources were out there for that? Where did I start?
So, again... You. Are. Not. Alone! Please ask us questions. If not me, then someone else who can help you. Don't do this alone. I have my friends, my family, my FB world full of Autism supporters, my Pediatrician, and my God. Remember, God does not give what He thinks we can handle. He helps us handle what is given to us.
Hugs and stuff.
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