Your Son doesn't look like he has Autism.....

Have you heard this before?  I have.

"Your son is smiling.  I thought Autistic kids didn't smile."

"Oh we aren't going to believe that nonsense.  He just needs discipline.  If he were with me for a week, I'd straighten him out."

I think some people think they are being funny, cute, helpful???  I'm not sure.  Because it just comes off as rude to me.

When people say things like that, it says to the mother: 'You are obviously being manipulated.  You obviously haven't done a good job as a mom.'

I've been guilty before.  I've said things like, "let him come to my house for a week and I'll straighten  him out."  But in saying that, I basically said that I could do a better job in a WEEK than the mom has done in YEARS. 

Do you see what I mean?  Its rude.  And its silly to think that you, as an outsider, could possibly understand what is going on in anyone's lives on a day to day basis.  I'm so glad that I got the arrogance knocked right out of me!  Lol.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I know that there are tons of ways I screw up every...single...day.  Believe me!  And I'm reminded continuously about my failures by a Drama-Loving Ex-Husband. But I only listen to the advice of people who have been there; people who have truly walked in my shoes.

My son has High-Functioning Autism and ADHD.  To look at him, you would think he's a nerd, a little awkward, silly, a geek.  But you may never guess what's really going on.  Its that way with lots of High-Functioning/Asperger's kiddos.

Have you ever heard the statement...If you've seen one with Autism...You've only seen ONE with Autism.  They say this because no two cases are ever the same.

I've even been approached by people who say things like....'that boy has Autism.  I thought you would recognize it for sure. I'm surprised you didn't notice.'

What a silly statement.  As if I'm an expert on Autism of all kinds.  I'm not even an expert on my own son's Autism. 

I know I'm ranting, but that is what a blog is for right?  It makes me angry and it hurts me at the same time.  The disapproving looks.  The stonewalling or rolling of the eyes when I say "autism".  My Spectrum Kid getting thrown out of classes because of his "bad behavior".  There is no patience.  No tolerance.  No acceptance.  Only ignorance. 

Some SAY that they are on my side, yet they still want my son to conform to their rules, their set ways that they believe all children should behave. 

I've been told that we have to meet our children where they are and then draw them out into the social world. 

They should know better?  Maybe so.  But they don't.  No matter how many times you tell them.  They don't.  And they don't understand why they are being punished or why people don't want them around.

There are studies being done on the Autistic Brain.  They are mapping the brains and are discovering that Autism is a Neurological Disorder NOT a behavior disorder.

What does this mean?  This means that its NOT bad behavior.  Its NOT bad parenting.  Its just how their brain is wired.  Yes, we can help them adapt and teach them the appropriate responses to social situations.  Does this mean they will ALWAYS react correctly after being shown?  No.  Does this mean they wont have meltdowns or sit in a chair upside down?  Nope.  Maybe it will decrease the episodes that you are so very uncomfortable with though.

Pick your battles.  Is it hurting you that he is upside down in his chair?  Or if he wants to stand up and walk around?  Is it defiance?  Nope.  Some say its overstimulation.  Something SENSORY (sight, smell, touch, sound) is overloading his circuits and he needs to recharge.

There's more than one way to look at it.  Please stop being so quick to judge and point fingers.  Something may just knock you off your self-righteous high horse.  It happened to me.